Posts Tagged Online Dating Profile – Tips!

HOW TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF IN ONLINE DATING SITES

So you’ve got your online profile all set up and you’re ready to go, right? Ok, so what’s next?
Well that depends. It is a well-known fact that online dating sites are disproportionately used by men. Some sites cap their male users to maintain a more even distribution of males to females, but that isn’t usually the case. What it means is: ladies, you’re probably going to get lots of mail. Men, not so much. But that’s ok, we’re going to talk through the process of maximizing your chances. Let’s start with the gents because they have lots more work to do in this process.
There is going to be one continuous theme throughout this article, and it’s important for guys especially to understand it: pretend it’s real life. Even though we’re in the cyber realm, the process still proceeds like it would in real-life, with some minor alterations.
Firstly: guys, on the whole, you’re going to initiate proceedings. Stop complaining, it’s life. Plus, it’s much easier to say hello over the internet than it is in reality-land. So what do you do? Well, you search. Think about what you’re after, and do some searches. How far would you like your ladies to be from you? What age group? Most importantly: are they after long-term relationships? something casual? So you do your search and you get your results. Click through people’s profiles and find someone you fancy. Keep the following things in mind: women are frequently uncomfortable admitting to wanting ’sexual encounters’. Other women have no problem admitting it, but if they do so online, they’ll be constantly hounded by loads of guys (who make up more of the online community than women). If you’re not looking for anything serious, don’t hesitate to expand your search to include ’short-term dating’, ‘new friends’ and ‘activity partners’. Maybe you’ll meet someone who’s new in town and is looking for new friends – and you can meet a whole new circle just from that. Further, ’short-term dating’ can sometimes mean ‘casual encounter’. The same works for people looking for more serious relationships. Don’t worry too much about it at this stage, you never know what’s going to happen when you meet someone. It really is a waste of time to stress out too much at these early phases. If you find someone that fascinates you, and you like what they’ve written about in their profile, then say hello. You can work out your aims and objectives in due course if you think you might want to meet them.
Now you’ve found someone you like, great. READ THEIR PROFILE. Seriously, read it, read it twice, read it three times if you have to. Get a taste of what they’re into. What they like to do, what they’re saying about themselves. Use it diagnostically to get to ‘know’ this person. Especially important: find something you have in common, or something that interests you. You will use this when you initiate contact with them, it opens up a conversation. For example, you see that someone has similar music tastes to you on their profile. This can be a preliminary topic of conversation. You’re subject line might be: I can’t believe you also like the Kinks!! Notice that subject line has nothing to do with a relationship. It has nothing to do with sex. It’s simply a conversation starter – same as in real life. In a bar, party, or other social occasion, you do not walk up to a member of the opposite sex and say: Would you consider me more a ’short-term dating’ prospect, or just an ‘activity partner’? In real life you start with ‘hello’. With chit chat about commonalities. Well it’s the same in cyber-land. It is a non-invasive, friendly way to start a communication thread with someone. And the best way to be effective at getting someone’s attention is to READ THEIR PROFILE carefully.
Another tip for guys: do not proposition ladies: Hey I think you’re hot, wanna have sex with me? does not work. We mean it, it really doesn’t. It doesn’t work in the bar, it didn’t work at school, and it doesn’t work on the internet. Replacing ‘beautiful’ for ‘hot’ doesn’t change things. The internet is a great way to meet people quickly, it’s a great way to cut out many of the steps in a traditional courtship type of situation, but it does not throw away all rules of etiquette and propriety. There is a real-life person sitting on the other side of that computer screen, and they’re getting about 25 emails a day (if they have an attractive profile-picture up much much more) and a great majority of them are propositions for sex. Be different. You need to be the person she actually responds to. There are two steps involved in this, first, they’re going to check your profile. Your profile should be an honest and positive reflection of who you are, see our tips HERE(Hyperlink) if you need help. Next, they’ll read your email. They may or may not respond. Do not (NOT NOT NOT NOT) keep emailing the same person. Do not sit around thinking maybe they haven’t read it, or maybe they deleted it by accident. Restrain yourselves, and keep your paranoia in check. Also, do not take it personally. Just spend more time doing searches, reading profiles and saying hello to different people.
If you find you’re not getting any responses at all, then make alterations. Perhaps your profile isn’t very enticing. Perhaps the emails you’re sending are dull or boring. We suggest actually writing something more than ‘Hey, I noticed you like the Kinks, I do too’. Write a few paragraphs, either about yourself, or better yet, with regards to this thing you have in common. Always end with an open-ended question so the person on the other side has something concrete to respond to. For example, ‘I like the Kinks, but I really really am crazy about the Monkeys, I’m curious to know how you feel about them?’ This makes it very easy for someone to respond to you.
Ok, so you’ve identified some people you like. You’ve read their profiles thoroughly and gotten to know a little bit about them. You’ve taken the time to write them a quirky/funny/personalized email. A bunch of people have outright ignored you. No problem, that’s life. But you keep at it, and guess what? Someone responds! It really is a great moment when it happens. Someone, somewhere in the world has read your email, and looked at your profile and bothered to write back. What next?
Well, they probably answered your open-ended question. They’ve given you more information to work with, now you can write them again. Maybe they mentioned some completely new topic of conversation, you can follow that lead if you like. There is still no requirement whatsoever to discuss a relationship. Or a meeting. It is just like real life, you’re just talking, getting a feel for one another. There is no need to remind people why you are online, it is implicit in the interaction. If you are on a dating site, speaking to someone who is also on a dating site, there is an implied understanding of why you are having that conversation. So just enjoy getting to know people for now. We’ll take it to the next level in our next article.
Ladies, you may be thinking how you fit into this right? Well it’s easy: make you profile great. Make it fun and provide lots of details. Movies you like, music you’re into are great as conversation starters. Include places you have travelled to (or would like to go to), activities you enjoy. Remember to always be honest, because you will attract people who are into the same sorts of things as you, and that’s great! Remember that men are as visual as you are and select a couple of profile pictures. Log into the dating sites regularly this will keep you at the top of lists when people search as they are often in the order of who was last-online. Finally, do not be too shy to say hello yourself. Remember, there are actually lots and lots of people online and it could be he hasn’t seen your profile. Many women prefer not to say hello but just to send a rose/wink and let the man then introduce themselves. That’s fine too, but the same rule applies: do not give in to temptations to constantly email the same person. Just once is enough. If after a few months you haven’t heard anything, you might want to try again, but don’t make a habit of it!
Next time, we’ll talk about the next step, what happens after you’ve emailed a few times about random topics of interest: how do you get passed the email phase? Stay tuned!!

meeting-people-onlineSo you’ve got your Online Dating Profile all set up and you’re ready to go, right? Ok, so what’s next? Here are our top dating tips on how to introduce yourself in Online Dating Sites.

So what exactly is next – well that depends… It is a well-known fact that online dating sites are disproportionately used by men. Some sites cap their male users to maintain a more even distribution of males to females, but that isn’t usually the case.

What it means is this:

Ladies, you’re probably going to get lots of mail.

Men, not so much.

But that’s ok, we’re going to talk through the process of maximizing your chances. Let’s start with the gents because they have lots more work to do in this process.

There is going to be one continuous theme throughout this article, and it’s important for guys especially to understand it: pretend it’s real life. Even though we’re in the cyber realm, the process still proceeds like it would in real-life, with some minor alterations.

There is going to be one continuous theme throughout this article, and it’s important for guys especially to understand it: pretend it’s real life.

(1) Firstly: guys, on the whole, you’re going to initiate proceedings.

Stop complaining, it’s life. Plus, it’s much easier to say hello over the internet than it is in reality-land. So what do you do? Well, you search. Think about what you’re after, and do some searches. How far would you like your ladies to be from you? What age group? Most importantly: are they after long-term relationships? something casual? So you do your search and you get your results.

Click through people’s profiles and find someone you fancy. Keep the following things in mind when introducing yourself to people online:

  • women are frequently uncomfortable admitting to wanting ’sexual encounters’
  • Other women have no problem admitting it, but if they do so online, they’ll be constantly hounded by loads of guys (who make up more of the online community than women)

If you’re not looking for anything serious, don’t hesitate to expand your search to include ‘short-term dating‘, ‘new friends‘ and ‘activity partners‘. Maybe you’ll meet someone who’s new in town and is looking for new friends – and you can meet a whole new circle just from that.

__________________________________________________________________________

(2) Further, ’short-term dating’ can sometimes mean ‘casual encounter’.

The same works for people looking for more serious relationships. Don’t worry too much about it at this stage, you never know what’s going to happen when you meet someone. It really is a waste of time to stress out too much at these early phases. If you find someone that fascinates you, and you like what they’ve written about in their profile, then say hello. You can work out your aims and objectives in due course if you think you might want to meet them.

__________________________________________________________________________

(3) Now you’ve found someone you like, great. READ THEIR PROFILE.

Seriously read your potential mates online dating profile, read it, read it twice, read it three times if you have to. Get a taste of what they’re into. What they like to do, what they’re saying about themselves. Use it diagnostically to get to ‘know’ this person.

Especially important: find something you have in common, or something that interests you. You will use this when you initiate contact with them, it opens up a conversation.

Especially important: find something you have in common, or something that interests you. You will use this when you initiate contact with them, it opens up a conversation. For example:

You see that someone has similar music tastes to you on their profile. This can be a preliminary topic of conversation. You’re subject line might be: I can’t believe you also like the Kinks!! Notice that subject line has nothing to do with a relationship. It has nothing to do with sex. It’s simply a conversation starter – same as in real life.

In a bar, party, or other social occasion, you do not walk up to a member of the opposite sex and say: Would you consider me more a ’short-term dating’ prospect, or just an ‘activity partner’? In real life you start with ‘hello’. With chit chat about commonalities. Well it’s the same in cyber-land. It is a non-invasive, friendly way to start a communication thread with someone. And the best way to be effective at getting someone’s attention is to READ THEIR PROFILE carefully.

__________________________________________________________________________

(4) Another tip for guys: do not proposition ladies: Hey I think you’re hot, wanna have sex with me? does not work. We mean it, it really doesn’t.

It doesn’t work in the bar, it didn’t work at school, and it doesn’t work on the internet. Replacing ‘beautiful’ for ‘hot’ doesn’t change things.

The internet is a great way to meet people quickly, it’s a great way to cut out many of the steps in a traditional courtship type of situation, but it does not throw away all rules of etiquette and propriety.

The internet is a great way to meet people quickly, it’s a great way to cut out many of the steps in a traditional courtship type of situation, but it does not throw away all rules of etiquette and propriety.

There is a real-life person sitting on the other side of that computer screen, and they’re getting about 25 emails a day (if they have an attractive profile-picture up much much more) and a great majority of them are propositions for sex. Be different. You need to be the person she actually responds to.

There are two steps involved in this element of introducing yourself to people online:

  • First, they’re going to check your profile. Your profile should be an honest and positive reflection of who you are, see our online dating profile tips HERE if you need help…
  • Next, they’ll read your email. They may or may not respond. Do not (NOT NOT NOT NOT) keep emailing the same person

Do not sit around thinking maybe they haven’t read it, or maybe they deleted it by accident. Restrain yourselves, and keep your paranoia in check. Also, do not take it personally. Just spend more time doing searches, reading profiles and saying hello to different people.

If you find you’re not getting any responses at all, then make alterations. Perhaps your profile isn’t very enticing. Perhaps the emails you’re sending are dull or boring. We suggest actually writing something more than ‘Hey, I noticed you like the Kinks, I do too’. Write a few paragraphs, either about yourself, or better yet, with regards to this thing you have in common.

Always end with an open-ended question so the person on the other side has something concrete to respond to. For example, ‘I like the Kinks, but I really really am crazy about the Monkeys, I’m curious to know how you feel about them?’ This makes it very easy for someone to respond to you.

__________________________________________________________________________

(5) Ok, so you’ve identified some people you like. Whats next…?

You’ve read their profiles thoroughly and gotten to know a little bit about them. You’ve taken the time to write them a quirky/funny/personalized email. A bunch of people have outright ignored you. No problem, that’s life. But you keep at it, and guess what? Someone responds! It really is a great moment when it happens. Someone, somewhere in the world has read your email, and looked at your profile and bothered to write back. What next?

Well, they probably answered your open-ended question. They’ve given you more information to work with, now you can write them again. Maybe they mentioned some completely new topic of conversation, you can follow that lead if you like.

There is still no requirement whatsoever to discuss a relationship. Or a meeting. It is just like real life, you’re just talking, getting a feel for one another.

There is still no requirement whatsoever to discuss a relationship. Or a meeting. It is just like real life, you’re just talking, getting a feel for one another. There is no need to remind people why you are online, it is implicit in the interaction.

If you are on an online dating site, speaking to someone who is also on a dating site, there is an implied understanding of why you are having that conversation. So just enjoy getting to know people for now. We’ll take it to the next level in our next article.

__________________________________________________________________________

BONUS: Hey Ladies!

chat-with-women-onlineLadies, you may be thinking how you fit into this online dating chat, right?

Well it’s easy: make your online dating profile great. Make it fun and provide lots of details. Movies you like, music you’re into are great as conversation starters. Include places you have travelled to (or would like to go to), activities you enjoy.

Remember to always be honest, because you will attract people who are into the same sorts of things as you, and that’s great!

  • Remember that men are as visual as you are and select a couple of profile pictures.
  • Log into the dating sites regularly this will keep you at the top of lists when people search as they are often in the order of who was last-online.
  • Finally, do not be too shy to say hello yourself.
  • Remember, there are actually lots and lots of people online and it could be he hasn’t seen your profile.

Many women prefer not to say hello but just to send a rose/wink and let the man then introduce themselves. That’s fine too, but the same rule applies: do not give in to temptations to constantly email the same person. Just once is enough. If after a few months you haven’t heard anything, you might want to try again, but don’t make a habit of it!

__________________________________________________________________________

Next time, we’ll talk about the next step, what happens after you’ve emailed a few times about random topics of interest:

how do you get past the email phase? Stay tuned!!

__________________________________________________________________________

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TIPS FOR WRITING YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILE

So you’ve finally done it, you’ve actually decided to set yourself on an Online Dating Site. Now comes all the tricky stuff like which photographs to use? Who should you email? But most importantly: what do you say on your Online Dating Profile?

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The easiest way to do this is to ask yourself the key questions, starting with:

(1) What am I after? Why am I on this Dating Site?

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(2) Who am I here to attract?

These two questions are the most important because they determine what parts of your personality your dating profile should emphasize, what tone of voice you will use in writing it, and what details you will disclose. For example, if you decide that you are after sex (usually termed intimate-encounters) you might not waste your time highlighting what a sensitive new-age guy you are. If you want to attract a 19 year-old you might use a lot of 19 year-old typography, like LOL. Clearly these aren’t going to impress someone in their 30’s.

dosr_background3One starting-point is to look look look at different people’s profile-pages to get an idea of some dating profile samples. Really assess the things that people say they are after- the qualities they look for, their ideal evening-out, the sorts of pictures they have up. If your target-member is a 22 year-old party girl, whose idea of a first-date is the club-scene, likes to drink and ‘hang-out with my friends’, then you should list similar things in writing your dating profile. You should write in a fun, adventurous style, and highlight how outgoing and cRaZy you are. As mentioned, if you are too extreme in your profile, you will be an immediate turn-off to other groups of members- so you just have to decide what’s right for you. If you are interested in attracting a 35 year-old Christian man, you might want to appeal to his (assumed) need for stability, support, and an ‘escape’ from his responsibilities. You might want to cast yourself in a relaxed, well-centered light. (and join our top reviewed all-Christian Dating Site)

Many of you won’t have one answer to questions 1 and 2. Often, you will be satisfied with a range of goals. For example you might select a few things: intimate-encounters, new friends, short-term dating, and pen-pals. Similarly you might be happy to meet people within an age range, for example: 20-35. This means you will need to adjust your profile to appeal to a larger cross-section of members, and this is obviously more difficult.

Here you have to pick and choose. For example, if you’re going to list four hobbies on your internet dating profile, you might want to pick a hobby that highlights different parts of your personality, eg: the adventure-freak, the responsible guy, the romantic, the intellectual. So you might list: rock climbing, playing with my niece, cooking, going to Borders and looking at the art books. Now, those four things are not going to be particularly appealing to that 22 year-old clubber, but it might be perfect for a 25-35 year-old university graduate.

One thing goes without saying on a dating profile: at all times be honest! You have to think ahead, eventually, you’re going to strike-up a friendship with someone online, and guess what happens next? That’s right!, things progress! When you chat online, talk on the phone, and eventually meet you, they’re going to be really scrutinizing to see how honest you were. The trick is to highlight, emphasize, and bring attention to certain features of your personality and your life- not to lie!!

__________________________________________________________________________

This is a good time to ask yourself a few more questions regarding your Dating Profile:

(3) What are the elements of my personality?

(just like we did before, ask yourself if you are: responsible, adventurous, affectionate, outgoing, take-it-easy, and so on. Try and think-up some interesting twists to make yourself stand out, like ‘philosophizing’)

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(4) What are the best things about your life?

(do you enjoy your work?, have you had travel experiences?)

…if you haven’t got much going on right now, then use that to your advantage:

“Things have been a bit too dull/slow/boring/uneventful (insert a word you like) for my tastes, so I’ve decided to put myself out there and meet some new friends.”

There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you are trying to improve your life (as long as you don’t write up a whole sob-story!) Whenever I move to a new city, I start a new account looking for ‘friends’ and I write that I’ve just relocated and am looking to meet some ‘cool new people’.


dosr_background4_________________________________________

Ok, so look at your answers to questions 3 & 4, and pick and choose the elements you want people to know about you, your on your way to a great dating profile. Don’t give it all away too soon, you want there to be things for your new friends to discover! Now all you have to do is write it up. It’s easy once you know which ’snippets’ of your life you’re going to use on your highlight reel.

Often times, the dating profile page will make it really easy for you by letting you fill in designated boxes for favorite books and movies and music. This is strongly recommended. First of all, the better sites out there (like lava life) use this data to calculate ‘likelihood’ that you will hit it off with someone, and report the statistics to people with similar interests. This means the program will actually be out there advertising on your behalf. Get on it! Be comprehensive.

_________________________________________

Don’t list one or two things, put up a whole bunch. The same rules apply- if you want to appeal to the artsy-fartsy college-student, you might want to throw in a few indie bands, foreign films, and literary type books. If you want to appeal to the party-girl, you might list some pop tunes, some action-adventure films, and say “the only thing I read is the bus-timetable!” Though it might seem that there’s room for a few little fibs here, we’d suggest against it. You never know when someone will want to start a conversation with “Oh my god! You like Phillip Glass too? I love him!” (and you think to yourself, ‘who on earth is that?!?’, not remembering the random google search you did for ‘contemporary classical composers’).

Just remember – keep your dating profile fun, interesting, and honest. Good luck party people!


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So you’ve finally done it. You actually set yourself up with an online dating account. Now comes all the tricky stuff like which photographs to use? Who should you email? But most importantly: what do you say on your profile?
The easiest way to do this is to ask yourself the key questions, starting with:
(1) what am I after? (why am I on this site?)
(2) who am I here to attract?
These two questions are the most important because they determine what parts of your personality your profile should emphasize, what tone of voice you will use in writing it, and what details you will disclose. For example, if you decide that you are after sex (usually termed intimate-encounters) you might not waste your time highlighting what a sensitive new-age guy you are. If you want to attract a 19 year-old you might use a lot of 19 year-old typography, like LOL. Clearly these aren’t going to impress someone in their 30’s.
One starting-point is to look look look at different people’s profile-pages. Really assess the things that people say they are after- the qualities they look for, their ideal evening-out, the sorts of pictures they have up. If your target-member is a 22 year-old party girl, whose idea of a first-date is the club-scene, likes to drink and ‘hang-out with my friends’, then you should list similar things in your profile. You should write in a fun, adventurous style, and highlight how outgoing and cRaZy you are. As mentioned, if you are too extreme in your profile, you will be an immediate turn-off to other groups of members- so you just have to decide what’s right for you.
If you are interested in attracting a 35 year-old man, you might want to appeal to his (assumed) need for stability, support, and an ‘escape’ from his responsibilities. You might want to cast yourself in a relaxed, well-centered light.
Many of you won’t have one answer to questions 1 and 2. Often, you will be satisfied with a range of goals. For example you might select a few things: intimate-encounters, new friends, short-term dating, and pen-pals. Similarly you might be happy to meet people within an age range, for example: 20-35. This means you will need to adjust your profile to appeal to a larger cross-section of members, and this is obviously more difficult.
Here you have to pick and choose. For example, if you’re going to list four hobbies, you might want to pick a hobby that highlights different parts of your personality, eg: the adventure-freak, the responsible guy, the romantic, the intellectual. So you might list: rock climbing, playing with my niece, cooking, going to Borders and looking at the art books. Now, those four things are not going to be particularly appealing to that 22 year-old clubber, but it might be perfect for a 25-35 year-old university graduate.
One thing goes without saying: at all times be honest! You have to think ahead, eventually, you’re going to strike-up a friendship with someone online, and guess what happens next? That’s right!, things progress! When you chat online, talk on the phone, and eventually meet you, they’re going to be really scrutinizing to see how honest you were. The trick is to highlight, emphasize, and bring attention to certain features of your personality and your life- not to lie!!
This is a good time to ask yourself a few more questions:
(3) What are the elements of my personality?
(just like we did before, ask yourself if you are: responsible, adventurous, affectionate, outgoing, take-it-easy, and so on. Try and think-up some interesting twists to make yourself stand out, like ‘philosophizing’)
(4) What are the best things about your life?
(do you enjoy your work?, have you had travel experiences?)
if you haven’t got much going on right now, then use that to your advantage:
“Things have been a bit too dull/slow/boring/uneventful (insert a word you like) for my tastes, so I’ve decided to put myself out there and meet some new friends.”
There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you are trying to improve your life (as long as you don’t write up a whole sob-story!) Whenever I move to a new city, I start a new account looking for ‘friends’ and I write that I’ve just relocated and am looking to meet some ‘cool new people’.
Ok, so look at your answers to questions 3 & 4, and pick and choose the elements you want people to know about you. Don’t give it all away too soon, you want there to be things for your new friends to discover! Now all you have to do is write it up. It’s easy once you know which ’snippets’ of your life you’re going to use on your highlight reel.
Often times, the profile page will make it really easy for you by letting you fill in designated boxes for favorite books and movies and music. This is strongly recommended. First of all, the better sites out there (like Ok Cupid) use this data to calculate ‘likelihood’ that you will hit it off with someone, and report the statistics to people with similar interests. This means the program will actually be out there advertising on your behalf. Get on it! Be comprehensive. Don’t list one or two things, put up a whole bunch. The same rules apply- if you want to appeal to the artsy-fartsy college-student, you might want to throw in a few indie bands, foreign films, and literary type books. If you want to appeal to the party-girl, you might list some pop tunes, some action-adventure films, and say “the only thing I read is the bus-timetable!” Though it might seem that there’s room for a few little fibs here, we’d suggest against it. You never know when someone will want to start a conversation with “Oh my god! You like Phillip Glass too? I love him!” (and you think to yourself, ‘who on earth is that?!?’, not remembering the random google search you did for ‘contemporary classical composers’).
Just remember to keep it fun,interesting, and honest.
Good luck party people!

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